He's Always Been Faithful To Me
....please, write what you think about what we read in effort to get us motivated to write and anything else you care to share with me, it would be such a blessing to share it together on this thing.
...goodnight my dear girl, i leave with these words:
Free- Ginny Owens
"Turning molehills into mountains,
Making big deals out of small ones,
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens'
This is how it's been.
Fear of coming out of my shell,
Too many things I can't do too well,
Afraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail -
This is how it's been.
Till the day you pounded on my heart's door,
And you shouted joyfully,
"You not a slave anymore"
You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-
Even jofful noise is music to me
And you're free to love,
Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free
I have set you free
My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity
and changed the course of history,
Because You loved me so.
And my heart cannot understand
Why You'd accept me as I am,
But You say You've always had a plan,
And that's all I need to know.
So when I am consumed by what the world will say,
It's then You're singing to me,
As you remove my chains
You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-
Even jofful noise is music to me
And you're free to love,
Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free
I have set you free
Free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile
You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-
Even jofful noise is music to me
And you're free to love,
Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free
I have set you free"
posted by from mel | 11:43 PM
1 Comments:
Mel, that song is so appropriate for this Ragamuffin Journey's beginning. I've liked that song the few times that I've heard it, and when I really think about it, I realize it's more because that's my wish than because it's my total reality. I read the first chapter, and I'm struck by how THIS is the right time for me to read this. I don't remember it really hitting me before, or speaking to any need I was feeling, which I guess is why I didn't get very far the first time I started it.
But for such a time as this, Mel, you brought up this book. For such a time as this, too because the author is coming here and I'm planning to go hear him. For such a time as this, because yesterday, before I even picked up the book or thought about its subject, I was praying and I was so tired of being numb and feeling self-amputated from God... and in the deep cave of my own unfaithfulness, my own selfishness, I knew--I wrote--"oh, Papa, if I could believe that You really love something this depraved and messed up, how tremendous that love would appear to me!" I share this with you because when I got into the first chapter of the book, it was being spoken to ME.
I have this pattern in my life, this blockage that is keeping me from REALLY REALLY accepting that God is love and loves ME.
This is part of who God is--look at the Jesus-instances cited in the first chapter! Yet again and again I put up walls, assuming "yes, but not for me."...
I can say it to myself over and over, I should have held onto this lesson from Capernwray, but some deep part of me still sees Him as shaking His head over me, giving me up, thinking of all the ways I could be better and be doing better. Because He's perfect, for crying out loud!! He's wonderful, and beautiful and worthy of all my love, and I turn away and get tired and then get disgusted with myself for doing so. So then of course I assume He's hurt and disappointed and reacts like... like a human would react if I did that to them.
Anyway, all this to say, this truth--a really deep-down, unshakeable, impossible-to-uproot belief in God's love for even me--this truth is what I think I have been missing and a big part of why I go through cycles of negativity and giving up. If I can take hold of this truth as though it's REALLY TRUTH, oh, Mel, what a life! What a difference.
To have the experience of grace that Manning quotes Tillich about at the top of page 29...
what Manning confesses on p.27, about extolling the virtues of 'superior Christians,' I admire him for lamenting his own actions there. Because I know that this is part of my confusion, and it's part of how I've grown up in the Church, and because since childhood I've wanted to please and impress. So you've got to get up to supersaint level... NO! THERE ARE NO SUPERSAINTS!
Okay, this is extremely long. I'll stop for now. Obviously the first chapter has started a very timely and God-ordained journey for me.
Let's pray for each other as we go through this, eh?
I love you,
Kate
p.s. What was the song you wanted to play for me??? And can I post on this as an actual poster, or just a commenter?
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