"Maria Makes Me Laugh."

Kate, I pray that you have heard this. It's incredible song. My sediments exactly. "I'd like to say a word on your behalf.." is what Sara must have said when she wrote that. "Yes sister Margeretta?"

"Less Like Scars"
It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)

And more like
Character

Here I Am

There's a place where I can go
Where the angels hear me pray
"I want to change
Yes I need Your touch"
I'm waiting here for You

And I fall, at Your feet
I'll give it all, until the day we meet
Here I am
Ready to give up my life for the One
Ready to pour out my heart for the Son
Here I am

Here I come to Your threshing floor
Where the angels fear to tread
I'm waiting here for the King of love
And to hold the hands that bled

And I fall, at Your feet
I'll give it all, until the day we meet

Here I am
Ready to give up my life for the One
Ready to pour out my heart for the Son"

...i went on a walk today and this song came on and i stopped in the middle of the street and it was beautiful. its real. i feel this is both of our heart's desire's. Are we ready to say that, Kate? If you get a chance, download it--Michael W. Smith sing it. It's beautiful. I miss you, I'm praying for you.

The Feelings of Sun 4:16pm

"Brighten My Heart" -Sixpence None The Richer

My heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains.
My soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog.
My thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds.
My body as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey.


Help me open my heart to You,
Help me open my heart to You,
Help me open my heart to You, oh Jesus.
It's what I long to do.

My heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains.
(Lord, brighten my heart)
My soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog.
(Lord, lighten my soul)
My thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds.
(Lord, still my thoughts)
My body as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey.
(Lord relax my body)

...Kate, what's with your grandma???? Is she okay? I missed you again today, but sometime we shall talk--I promise. I love you and miss you.

Mel

But if the blessing's in the valley then in the river I will wait

Find Me In The River

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please

We've longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And bought our pretty crowns
But never paid the price

Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I'm waiting here

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please

We didn't count on suffering
We didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley
Then in the river I will wait

...

King Of Love

King of Love you've called my name
You gave me life although the shame,
Had covered me, you took my hand,
And here I stand, I'm saved by grace.

Father God, you heard the prayer
From deep within my spirit cried
If there's a God, come rescue me,
Now here I stand, I'm saved by grace.

I will thank you for saving my soul,
For you've shown me the truth in your Word,
I will take up my cross and follow you,
Now I live for the glory of God.

Now we turn, to walk away,
From selfishness, the pride and hate,
And when we pass through stony ground,
We'll gladly walk upon our knees,
So we cry out, "Come change us Lord,
Into a church that loves your Word"
We will return to knowing you,
With joy we walk beneath the Cross.

We will thankyou for saving our souls,
For you've shown us the truth in your Word,
We will take up the Cross and follow you,
Now we live for the glory of God.
Now we live for the glory of God.
Now we live for the glory of God.

.,,,i write more later. just mull over these lyrics (though i'm sure you've heard them. i love you and miss you...)

Abba

I'm reading this magazine, Discipleship Journal; there's this section in the most recent issue that is a gift of God to me now -- it's called "Loved by the Trinity." There was a little sidebar in it, in the part about the Father, with an excerpt from a Brennan Manning book called 'The Rabbi's Heartbeat.' Which I haven't heard of. Anyway, I immediately thought of your post in your blog about the little girl crying for her Abba, and with this being by our Ragamuffin author, I had to share it with you...

"Abba: Jewish children used this intimate colloquial form of speech in addressing their fathers, and Jesus employed it with His foster-father Joseph. As a term for divinity, however, it was unprecedented not only in Judaism but in any of the great world religions. Joachim Jeremias wrote,

'Abba, as a way of addressing God, is ipsissima vox, an authentic original utterance of Jesus. We are confronted with something new and astounding. Herein lies the great novelty of the gospel.'

Jesus, the beloved Son, does not hoard this experience for Himself. He invites and calls us to share the same intimate and liberating relationship.

Years ago, I related a story about a priest from Detroit named Edward Farrell who vistied his uncle in Ireland on his 80th birthday. On the great day, they got up before dawn and went walking in silence along the shores of Lake Killarney and stopped to watch the sunrise. Suddenly the uncle turned and went skipping down the road. He was radiant, beaming, smiling from ear to ear. His nephew said, "Uncle Seamus, you really look happy." "I am, lad." "Want to tell me why?" His 80-year-old uncle replied, "Yes, you see, my Abba is very fond of me."

I miss you Mel, I'm sorry I missed your call this weekend!! I have a phone card and I would love to call you back, when would be a good time for you??
Have you heard anything about Capernwray? I have to tell you about something that I think God may be calling me to for the beginning of the summer. I wonder if you would be interested too. I'm not sure about it yet, and I'm still listening to God on the Capernwray front! We'll talk. Tell me when to call. I love you, I've been thinking of you every day. Had the strongest wish to just talk to Jesus together yesterday. Your Abba is very fond of you, dearest beautiful Melanie.

On the Road to Beautiful

Have you heard that song, 'on the road to beautiful'? It's a good song.
Yes I remember talking about those words... You lived to die, rejected and ALONE...
what a God we serve, Mel. WHAT a God.

You picked many of my favorite quotes from the chapter to post...
This is a very, very good book. Maybe I should be reading pieces over every day instead of in chunks all at once. The gospel of grace and hope is something I need daily in my life right now--and always.
Praying the Scriptures and God's promises is something I need to do more. To use that gift He's given us, this incredible gift of the written Word. Incredible.

I loved loved loved reading about your time at the Messianic congregation, and the different ways God is bringing you into contact with the Jewish people and fueling your passion to serve them, love them, pray for them. What an amazing thing to pray for Israel with that congregation, Mel. I am so thankful to God for giving you these experiences!!! And excited about the Ebenezer application. Do they have a website? I'll look. I'd like to read more about their theology, goals, etc...
About work at Capernwray. I guess I'm just waiting to hear what openings they have, and waiting to see if God opens the doors for me to go. I am literally broke right now but I truly believe anything He wills is possible. I miss you very, very much, and I can't tell you how sweet it is to me to actually have someone--you-- out there missing me of all people. That's a highly undeserved gift of love to me that makes a big difference right now.

The summer is so open in my mind right now, still, and I don't want to even start thinking that "I'm not praying about it right" so I'm not going to go there. I just want to be where God wants me. And I want so much for you to be where He wants you. It would be lovely lovely lovely if that were together.
Whatever this summer holds, today especially I am longing for and looking forward to breaking out of this pattern, away from the notebooks and the CDRoms and the way some of this classwork shapes my emotions and drains all my energy and enthusiasm. God has plans for us and I refuse to let any of this diminish my belief in the excitingness of that. We have our little parts in the grand story of God, the grand story of All Time. And no part is truly little because they're all intertwined and all essential...otherwise we wouldn't have been made.

I am definitely a ragamuffin right now. I always have been but there's not even an iota of use in pretending otherwise right now. I'm learning, in fits and starts, that this means God's grace is even BIGGER than I thought, not just that I am even more undeserving than I thought. "Grace increases all the more..."

I love you, I am praying for you right...this...minute.

You live to die...rejected and alone.

...remember when we disected that song like we do so many others? If I remember correctly it was in the summer when everything was different. Before you went to the Phillipines, before Jesus reshaped my dream for the future (haha)...before we grew up in a large sense of the word. Amen?

So Chapter 2:
I thought this was perfect. A blessing indeed.

"Be still and know (experience) that I am God. My own journey bears witness to that. I mean simply that a living, loving God can and does make His presence felt, can and does speak to us in the silence of our hearts, can and does warm and caress us till we no longer doubt that HE is near, that He is here. Such experience is pure grace to the poor, the children and the sinners, the privileged types int he gospel of grace. It cannot be forced from God. HE gives it freely, but He does give it and has given it to such as MOses and Matthew, to you and to me. In fact, there is no one to whom God denies it.

...I loved it when he said that "the Word we study has to be the Word we pray." Grace taught me a lot about that...where we put pray in spirit and in truth and declare the word of God while we prayed...crying out to Jesus on behalf of what He already promised us.

AMEN to this:

"When we accept ourselves for what we are, we descrease our hunger for power or the acceptance of others because our self-intimacy reinforces our inner sense of security."

And to end with this:

..."In essence there is only one thing God asks of us--that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everything and forwhom God is ENOUGH. That is the root of peace. We have that peace when the gracious God is all we seek. When we start seekingsomething besides HIm, we lose it."
Isn't that perfect? Something I think I've been fighting for the last ....nine months. Kate, it has been nine months since I left England, 9 months since I moved here. 9 months since I said goobye to Rudi and had to accept change and moldation (if thats a word:) For the both of us, except quite a bit longer for you. How beautiful that we've been apart for nearly a year and yet here is Jesus working in us the same way He did this time last year. Praise God.

Last night I learned about "seasons" and the seasons of...happiness and joy...the season of sorrow and devastation...the season of mending and molding...He talked about how everyone of us is in a season and is about to transition into another one. What a wonderful way to look at it. The season will not last forever. We should read the story of Elijah. He talked about how he must have been on that spiritual high about conquering the bail idol...and then the next day he was in devastation, went into the fields and asked God to end his life. I wish you could have heard this guy, Kate. I feel silly rephrasing it all but it was incredible! He talked about how God took him through the desert for 40 days and Elijah had this alone, solitude time with God and mending. He mended from the heartache, from the trouble, and then God sent him back out there and said "you're ready to keep going, kid. Just trust in me." (obviously, God didn't use those words.) Anyway, I'll end here because I'll end up wording things wrong. I have to study my Russian but know that I love you and miss you. You are in my prayers, my dear sister.

What next?